What to Say to Someone When Their Family Member Dies
People ask us this question time and once again: What should I say to someone who's grieving? They ask hoping there is an easy answer or checklist, but I take bad news, those things don't be.
We recently asked WYG readers most the best and worst things anyone has said to them in their grief, hoping for some specific examples that we might and then exist able to offer every bit guidance to all those seeking answers. And though they provided some amazing insight, things however remain – well – complicated.
In fact, we constitute that some of the Verbal SAME PHRASES were listed on both the best and worst listing. Arggg! Why is this so tricky?
Well, nosotros've said it earlier and we'll probably say it a million more times – What feels correct and helpful for i person may exist all incorrect for another. Also, timing tin make all the difference, and so yous may just have the bad luck of picking the incorrect moment. Or, y'all might be the right person to say something to one friend or family unit member, but the wrong person to say information technology to another. Eleanor made a super graphic about this over in the post of the 64 Worst Things Ever Said to a Griever, and so make sure you check that out if you missed it.
In instance that isn't enough of a disclaimer, earlier we dive into the list of "best things," yous can watch the video below for some of our unproblematic tried and true tips. These won't necessarily guarantee that you say the "right" thing, but they are a expert identify to commencement.
As for those "best things" that we're shared with us – well – you'll run across that sometimes the items on this list aren't especially specific. These suggestions are often general statements or ways of being.
Nosotros think this is worth noting because people ofttimes fixate on having the "right" words to make someone feel meliorate, but oftentimes the best affair y'all can do has aught to do with what you say, merely how you maintain a supportive presence. And so, without further ado . . .
1."There are no words."
2. "I will travel to you and stay with you several days."
three. "Yous can talk to me about your mum whenever you want – in v, 10, 30 years."
4. "Your grief-reactions are normal/appropriate."
5. "You lot aren't going crazy"
6. "Tell me more near your female parent"
7. Someone gave me a very sincere compliment on how I've handled raising my kids as a single mother a few years afterward my husband died. Meant the world to me to hear it. Information technology'south a lonely journey. I needed that heave.
eight. "I'm just really pitiful you've had to go through this." She kept her gaze into my eyes equally I sobbed… It was so powerful only beingness "witnessed."
9. "Your Dad was a wonderful man."
ten. "Acquire to live in acceptance of the loss, non in spite of the loss."
11. "She'due south merely made a alter of accost"
12. "Grief has no expiration date."
13. "Information technology'due south okay to accept bad days because it reminds you lot how much yous love them and the good days remind you lot they're right there with you."
14. "But talk nearly your son whenever y'all feel like."
15. " You lot don't take to talk. I will just sit abreast you lot."
16. My 81-yr-old Begetter drove quite a altitude to just sit with me and equally he sat listening to me completely autumn apart he reached over and put his arm effectually me and quietly said, "Please know this is only temporary. You will get to cease raising him i day." Then he said, "I will become in that location earlier you and I volition bear your messages to him."
17. "We've asked your colleagues and they have donated enough paid time off for you to accept the fourth dimension you need."
18. "We were just talking nigh him last night."
nineteen. "We call up him and speak of him often."
twenty. "When you experience that she'south with you, know that she really is."
21. "She is never far away."
22. "Let me know if I can assistance."
23. "I'm sorry for your loss."
24. When someone tells you they are there for you, brings you flowers or condolement food, or your best friend comes over subsequently you've told her not to (considering you didn't want to be a bother) considering she knows yous that well – those are the types of things that make a difference.
25. "I was really mad at God when I found out."
26. "Information technology f#&king sucks."
27. "We won't forget him"
28. "He was such a special kid."
29. "I don't know what to say but I tin can listen."
30. "He would be proud of you."
31. "I am praying for yous and will always be."
32. "I love yous."
33. "Thank you for giving us the well-nigh beautiful, generous, loving person we've ever known."
34. "We loved her like she was i of the family."
35."You've been a good dad to them."
36. When my Mom passed, a good friend of mine looked me in the center and, with such love and business concern, said "I am worried about y'all. I think you should consider grief therapy." I did so because of her 18-carat concern and courage to say that to me at the fourth dimension
37. "Ane day you will be talking about Jessica and a smile volition come to your face first before a tear."
38. The all-time thing was from a chaplain who gave me permission to be mad equally hell and instead of asking 'Why me?' asking 'Why not me?'
39. My mom fabricated me socks and a hat for my baby gone-also-soon in pregnancy. She said, "Every baby deserves to be celebrated, no matter how long they are with the states."
xl. "A part of your loved one lives in you and all those he loved."
41. "Be as kind to yourself every bit you are to anybody else."
42. I received a bill of fare from a former college classmate of my husband. In the card, she wrote nigh how proud my husband had been of me and how happy I had made him. She wrote that every time their paths crossed over the years that he e'er spoke so highly of me. She was in awe of how proud he was to have me as his wife.
43. "You lot will never go 'over it', just you volition get through information technology."
44. "I can see by these pictures how much you loved each other. She must take known every day she was loved."
45. "At that place is no right or wrong style to grieve. Your life has been changed forever."
46. "You're allowed to experience and exist exactly as y'all are considering this is your feel and no i else'south."
47. "I wouldn't exist alive today if your dad hadn't helped me become sober by giving me a reason to be sober."
48. The best thing is when someone says, "I remember…" and then goes on to share a retention of the person you've lost.
49. "I cannot possibly sympathize how you feel. Only I'g hither".
fifty. When I told a friend my eye is cleaved she said, "I will lend yous mine til yours has mended."
51. "Information technology's okay not to be okay."
52. "Look for signs. He volition show you he is with you." [from another grieving mom]
53. "He/she is with you lot always, and is proud of you for the way you alive your life."
54. I dear when someone hears a song that reminds them of him and they reach out to tell me!
55. "Come rest a minute. Allow'southward talk about and remember all those sweetness memories. Your dad was a groovy homo and father".
56. "Nosotros'll get through this together."
57. "Now yous've got someone upward there watching out for you."
58. "Information technology's okay to hurt. Don't hold back your tears."
59. "I take no words, this just sucks."
60. "What the F*^k? How tin this be?"
61. "He was so loved and my life is improve because he was in it."
62. "Y'all are a good mother and his death with never change that"
63. "You are non moving on yous are moving forward."
64. The adult female cleaning out my begetter'due south absolutely vile condo, when I admitted how embarrassing I found the state of his living space and apologized to her said, "I don't judge. Anybody has different priorities. He was clearly a wonderful male parent who was deeply loved."
What would you add to the list of best things to say to someone grieving? Leave a comment with the best thing someone said to you in your grief or a general tip y'all have near how to support someone grieving.
Source: https://whatsyourgrief.com/what-should-i-say-to-someone-grieving/
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